The Door Church

True to form, as a woman, my testimony will be twice as long as my husband's! #TheStruggleIsReal

My testimony is that of one who has literally been raised in church. I grew up in a home where my parents didn’t just “do church”, they lived out their faith in their everyday lives and were great examples to follow. There came a point, though, where I had to make it my own. Although I was a pastor’s kid and going to church several times a week, I started to really struggle in middle school. I began to have major battles with my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. My way of dealing with the lack of self-esteem was to gain the approval and attention of my peers. I bought into the lie that says peer acceptance is the only way to feel any value. This led me to start living a double life because, you know, it’s not cool to be a “Jesus freak”. I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of my lifestyle so I was one way at church, one way at home, and another way at school. I would cuss like a sailor at school and then go sing at church! Like the Bible says, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8) and that became me! The hypocritical lifestyle I was living caused a lot of anger issues because I was mad at myself for becoming such a hypocrite. I took out this anger on those I loved the most. It all bubbled up to a point where I could no longer reject God and His conviction. I was 13 years old and even at that young age I made a decision that I was done being a hypocrite! I didn’t want people to use my life as an excuse to not go to church and accept Jesus as their Lord. I surrendered my life to Jesus and made him MY God and not just the God of my parents. It was the greatest decision I have ever made! I wish I could say it was smooth sailing with nothing but Skittles and unicorns after that but unfortunately that’s not the case. Although I maintained a right heart and relationship with God I still battled with my self-worth. As I entered into high school I became bound by anorexia and bulimia as a way to make myself feel in control of my identity. I tried so hard to feel better about myself through my own power but at the end of the day, I hated myself. I was tormented. How could I call myself a Christian when I hated and inflicted pain on His creation? I knew God loved me and that I loved Him but why could I not accept His creation just as it was? Through A LOT of prayer and persistence, Jesus did set me free from that bondage! I no longer look in the mirror and hate the person looking back at me. Now I see a child of God who has been fearfully and wonderfully made and gives glory to the Creator! Whoever you are and whatever area you struggle in, Jesus CAN and WILL set you free if you will let Him in and surrender! He is faithful and loves us far more than we could ever imagine! It doesn’t matter if you’ve been raised in church with a Christian family or raised with a very harsh background and lifestyle. Salvation and deliverance is still the only solution to the peace we crave! Give God a chance, just like you’ve given everything else! Why not God? Why not give Him a chance? It’s not too late!